The Twilight Watch
by Alexandra3
Summary: The battle of Adamant claimed good men and women. Even those that survived did not return unscathed. Was it any wonder that the Inquisitor would be found on the battlements once returning to Skyhold? For the twilight watch is for the restless...


**DISCLAIMER:** Bioware owns everything, I own nothing. All mistakes are my own. This piece takes place after Here Lies the Abyss.

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Cullen signed the top requisition form in the stack before shuffling it to the side and moving to the next. Now that the immediate concerns of the aftermath of Adamant were addressed, it was time for him to catch up on some of the more mundane issues that still needed attention. The candles at his elbow flickered, the only source of light due to the lateness of the hour. Judging the stack of reports he still had to go through, he wouldn't be surprised if it kept him occupied straight through till morning.

A knock on the door drew his attention and brought a frown to his face. Everyone should be asleep, except for those currently on watch. "Come!"

Bryden, one of the patrolmen currently on duty, stepped in and came to attention. "Ser! I wanted to inform you that I have been relieved."

Cullen's eyebrows shot upwards. "Relieved? By whom?"

The soldier shifted his stance slightly. "By the Inquisitor. She said she would finish my watch and that I should get some rest."

The Commander rose from his desk, disquiet filling him at the odd news. The Herald never shirked a duty or sent any man to a place she would not go herself. But she also never interfered with the troops movements or watches, especially when at home in Skyhold. "Did she say anything else?"

Bryden's eyes flickered to the wall behind Cullen's head, his voice now holding a touch of uncertainty. "I tried to protest. But the Inquisitor, Ser, she wasn't having it. Said the twilight watch was for the restless and she would stand it just fine."

Cullen moved to the door, fully intending to find out what was going on. "Stay here, do not go back to the barracks until I tell you." He slipped out the door and strode towards the northwest battlements, nodding at the soldiers he passed. As he climbed the steps to the tower, the wind picked up, whipping his cloak about and making the torches flicker. This particular watch duty was the least desirable, given the harsh wind and isolated location. His mind was racing, wondering what could have prompted the Inquisitor's actions.

They had only been back in Skyhold for a few days, but he had hardly seen her. In fact, he had spent precious little time with her since the end of the battle itself. Immediately after the fighting had ended, there had been a few stolen moments, a fierce kiss of reassurance before being torn away by their respective duties. Relieved that she was alive and whole, he hadn't fought to spend more time with her, knowing they were both needed elsewhere. He had contented himself with the sparse glimpses of her he had gained, never quite close enough to touch or exchange words. They had returned to Skyhold separately and still kept busy nearly every waking moment since their return.

The moment he reached the top of the tower and could seen Evelyn he stopped, heart pounding and stomach twisting. She looked _exhausted_. Though she was standing in profile, he could still see the dark circles under her eyes, the gauntness to her face. Her skin was pale, oddly translucent in the moonlight. His eyes traveled over her, sliding past a taunt jaw and tense shoulders to where her hands rested on the stone ledge. She kept flexing her left hand, the one branded with the Anchor. She would stretch out her shaking fingers and rub them along the stone before clenching her fist and then repeating the process. Her eyes were focused straight ahead, but he wondered how much she actually saw. At the least, she should have at been aware of his approach. Cullen cursed himself for not seeking her out sooner, for not seeing to her immediately after the battle or as soon as they were both back at Skyhold. Something was desperately wrong.

"Inquisitor?"

Evelyn started at his voice and spun around, eyes wide. "Commander!" She seemed to make a visible effort to relax her clenched fist. He could still see the slight tremor in her fingers before she clasped her hands behind her back. "You startled me! It's late, you should be asleep."

"I could say the same about you."

She gave a tired smile and turned back to the landscape, bringing her arms in front of her body again. It looked almost unconscious, how her left hand returning to its fitful movements. "I'm not much for sleeping right now. And it's peaceful out here."

Cullen moved to her side, tentatively reaching up to brush some hair off her shoulder. Though their developing relationship wasn't exactly a secret—soldiers were the worst gossips—they often didn't advertise it in public. But given the lack of time they had spent together the past few weeks and how she was clearly off-balance, gossips were the least of his concerns. "Peaceful is not generally the word used to describe this particular posting." A gust of bitter wind whipped around them to prove his point.

Evelyn took a deep breath of the chill air and shrugged. "Maybe it just depends on your perspective. The wind is biting, but it's _alive_. It cuts through you and reminds you where you are." She glanced at him and bit her lip, acting as if she had said too much. "Besides, the twilight watch is never easy, especially when the soldiers are still recovering from our battle at Adamant."

It was slight, barely more than a whisper, but her voice hitched on the last word. Her eyes were firmly trained ahead, her fingers moving in their constant rhythm. Cullen took a step closer to her side and leaned his hip against the battlement. "You still haven't given a report about what happened at Adamant, and the War Council is tomorrow." Her cheek twitched. "Cassandra gave her account and filled in what she could, but there's a gap from when she came back through the rift and you did." The Inquisitor pressed the flat of her palm against the rough edge and pressed hard, fingertips smashed flat against the stone until they turned white. "What happened that's haunting you so?"

Evelyn was silent and unmoving. It was several long moments before her hand relaxed enough to clench back into a fist. He could see the sheen of blood on the stone, but refrained from reaching for her. The Inquisitor needed to do this at her own pace, no matter how his heart ached for her.

"We were physically in the Fade." Her voice was soft, but strong, eyes resolutely ahead and refusing to look at him. "It was the most unnatural feeling. I've been to the Fade of course, but not like this. Being there among the dark rocks and the twisting paths felt wrong in a way that pierced my soul. I felt like an intruder, like I didn't belong in my own body, nevermind the surroundings. All I could think about was getting out as quickly as possible and getting out _alive_." She paused and looked down, studying the bloody handprint she had left on the wall. "I'm sure Cassandra was thorough in her report; she always is. She probably told you about Divine Justinia. About how the Nightmare stole my memories. About the demon's taunts that echoed as we searched for an escape."

Cullen's own fingers twitched, he so desperately wanted to pull her into his arms. Somehow reading Cassandra's report did nothing to prepare him for the way that Evelyn described the event. She continued to be implacable, reciting what happened methodically. But he could still hear the distress in her voice and knew that the calm wouldn't last, that she would eventually break out of shock and crumble. He forced himself to remain quiet and let her continue.

"Naturally, we had to fight our way through a slew of demons that didn't appreciate our presence. We kept pushing forward, kept carving our way through that _hell_." Her voice was violent on the word before fading again. "And then we could see the way out. I'd never been so happy to see a rift in my life. The Anchor pulsed and that was all the motivation I needed." Her voice grew softer. "I was bringing up the rear, Hawke and Alistair next to me. Half the group made it through without a problem and I'm sure that's where Cassandra's report ends. Because we all didn't make it away cleanly. Nightmare returned and blocked the path, cutting the three of us off from the rift." A shuddering breath. "There was no way for us to escape together. Before I could even open my mouth, Hawke and Alistair started to fight. Each wanted to be the one to make that final sacrifice, believing they had something to atone for. I had to stand there and listen to the two of them argue over who would distract the demon long enough for the others to get away. They were at a stalemate, neither budging. And then they looked to me." She looked back to the mountains and a single tear slid down her cheek and dripped off her chin. "And I made a choice." Her voice cracked on the last word. "I made the hardest decision I ever have, knowing they both had people waiting for them. I made a choice and then I ran."

Evelyn was silent then, turning her eyes back down to her hands. She ground her palm into the stone edge again, aggravating the wound. She held her palm up to her face, the faint green glow of the Anchor diluted in blood. "Falling into the rift was what saved our lives. And then it turned into a death sentence anyway. A sentence given by me. It was no different than sitting in judgement. But these were both good, noble people—not criminals. People who had already suffered through so much and done so much for Thedas. And I was the end of their tale."

Cullen shifted, no longer able to keep silent. He couldn't let her continue to carry such suffering alone. But she spoke again before he could say anything.

"I can't go back there." He frowned, mouth partly open. Evelyn pulled her injured hand to her chest, fingers curled over the wound. "I can't go back to the Fade, even in dreams. I can't risk having the demon waiting for me, ready to fill my mind with more poison. I don't think I would handle the truth behind his taunts." A broken pause and for the first time since she started talking she turned to him, her expression defeated and pained. "What if I see who I left behind?"

Cullen instantly pulled her to him, not giving a damn who saw them. She was tense, every muscle ready to snap. "My dearest Evelyn," he whispered, tightening his hold on her. His words seemed to finally reach her and she shifted to press her face to his neck. He could feel her silent tears slide under the rim of his armor to soak into his tunic. Her body didn't shake with sobs, but trembled as she still tried to keep from falling apart. "Is that what's troubling you? You can't focus on past decisions like this or you'll never be able to move forward."

Evelyn's voice was muffled. "You're saying I need to forget them? Forget how I left a good person to die in the Fade?"

"Of course not. We will never forget the sacrifices that our friends and soldiers have made to see this through. But you need to honor them by pressing forward and not being crippled by their fate." Keeping one arm tight around her, he lifted the other so he could card his fingers through her hair. "I know you didn't ask for any of this: the Anchor, the Inquisition, Corypheus. But despite having so much weight upon you, you have accomplished what many of us could not." He could feel the tremors in her body slowly abating. "You are a force to be reckoned with in many different ways. Do not let this shake you. Do not let the tragedy of past decisions weigh down those in the future."

The wind continued to buffer them as they stood together at the top of the battlements, silent and grasping. Once the latest gust of wind died down, Cullen had to strain his ears to hear her next words. "How can you have such faith in me?"

"Because you are the strongest woman I have ever known." The swiftness of his response startled her, her head coming up to stare at him with red-rimmed eyes. He couldn't stop his soft smile once he met her gaze. "I wish you would see what I do." A slight blush stained her cheeks as she sniffled. The stark contrast on her pale skin reminded him of just how worn out she appeared. He leaned forward and brushed a chaste kiss to her temple before whispering, "Why didn't you tell me all of this sooner?"

She gave a watery chuckle. "We all have our burdens. I would not add to yours."

He pulled away enough to be able to firmly meet her eyes. " _Never_ think that. You may be the Inquisitor and have burdens greater than others, but you are far from alone. Share those burdens with me."

"I couldn't ask—"

"You don't have to ask. I'm offering. Just know that I am here for you, however you need me." He ran his gloved thumb under her eyes, wiping away tears and tracing the dark smudges. "When was the last time you actually slept?"

Evelyn tensed up in his arms, pulling back further to scrub a hand over her face. "Not since I returned."

Cullen stared at her. "Evelyn, it's been three days since you got back from Adamant."

A slight flush crept up her cheeks, the guilt plain to see. "Uh, actually I mean that I haven't slept since I returned from the Fade." The Commander froze, eyes widening. It was nearly two weeks of travel to return to Skyhold. Seeing his somewhat horrified expression, she offered a small shrug. "I've masted the art of short naps that keep me from dreaming."

Cullen grabbed her uninjured hand and turned, striding back down the steps and towards his office. Evelyn trotted after him, trying to keep up with his long strides as he pulled her along. "Cullen? What are you doing?"

He didn't say anything, just continued along, his hand firm around her own. They passed several other soldiers on patrol who made an honest attempt at ignoring them. The Commander finally pushed open the door to his own office. Josten, who had been leaning against the wall, jumped to attention. "Ser!"

"Back to your post," Cullen ordered, waiting until the man saluted and then hurried out the door.

Evelyn sighed. "I relieved him from duty, Cullen. Seems cruel to send him back."

Cullen arched an eyebrow at her as he dropped her hand and moved towards the back of the room. "The soldiers have their duties, like everyone else in Skyhold. I am sure he did not think for one minute that he was actually going to have the night off, once he reported in with the change in roster." He grabbed a large pack off the wall and gestured to his desk. "Sit down. I need to look at your hand."

Evelyn sat on the edge of his desk, careful not to knock anything over or disturb his carefully stacked piles of paperwork. She looked down at her bloody hand, wincing at the fresh, jagged scar across the palm. Her fingers were stained red with dried blood from continually clenching. Cullen moved next to her and gently took her hand within his own, wiping away the excess blood before rinsing the wound with a small flask of alcohol. She hissed through her teeth, dragging in a ragged breath.

"It helped," she said by way of explanation, watching as he continued to wipe away the rest of the blood and rock shards. "The roughness against my fingers helped remind me I wasn't in the Fade anymore, that I got out. Sometimes though it wasn't enough. I had to press harder." The cut did not appear that bad, once it was properly cleaned up. The skin on her palm was rubbed raw, but the cut itself would not need stitches. With an efficiency born from many years of battle, Cullen wrapped a bandage snugly around her hand and tied it off. Distractedly flexing her fingers, she stood and made a move to the door.

"You're not going anywhere, Evelyn."

The Inquisitor raised an eyebrow as she turned to face the Commander, who was putting away the healing kit. "Excuse me?"

"I'm quite certain you heard me. Just wait a moment." When the kit was replaced he turned and paused, eyes moving around his office. Mumbling something under his breath, he strode to the corner opposite his desk and started shifting debris. Methodically, Cullen worked through the pile of broken wood in the corner, stacking it against the wall and out of the way. Once cleared, he lifted the heavy sheet formerly beneath the wood to reveal a red, plush divan.

The Inquisitor couldn't help the sharp breath or how it seemed far too loud in the tower. "You knew this was here the whole time?"

Cullen shrugged, leaning down to bat the cushions a few times and kick away any dust that made its way past the protective covering. "Yes, but I didn't have a need for it before now." Satisfied with the result, he turned back to her. "You need to sleep. Lay down."

Evelyn's face instantly turned to stone and her left hand reflexively clenched around the fresh bandage. "I told you—"

"I know exactly what you told me," Cullen interrupted. He moved back to her side and gently took her hand, easing her fingers open. "But you need sleep, you can't keep going like this." He sighed, brushing his fingers against her cheek. "I understand. Truly, I do. None of us are free from nightmares. Sleep, and I will be here. I'll wake you if needed."

She was softer to the suggestion now, but still reticent. "Cullen, this is ridiculous. I'm not going to sleep in the middle of your office."

He gently pushed on her shoulder, encouraging her to sit down on the newly revealed furniture. "I doubt you would actually try to sleep if you went back to your own quarters." Her eyes darted away from his, confirming his suspicions. "It's still the middle of the night, no one will disturb you. I will not take no for an answer. Now wait here." He turned and swiftly climbed the ladder up to his loft. He grabbed one of the pillows and blankets off his rumpled bed before sliding back down. In the short moments he was gone, Evelyn had shrugged out of her enchanter's coat and tossed it over the foot of the divan, apparently accepting her fate. He set the pillow at the opposite end and then fanned the blanket out, draping it over her. Evelyn gave a deep, resigned sigh and shifted to lay down, punching the pillow halfheartedly.

Cullen crouched down and reached up to smooth the edges of the blanket around her. "I'll just be at my desk, ready to wake you if needed."

Evelyn narrowed her eyes at him, though he could already see sleep tugging at her. She had fought its pull for far too long "You're treating me like a child."

He shook his head. "No. I'm treating you like... the woman I care deeply for. Now try to sleep, dearest." Cullen leaned forward and kissed her gently. She hummed before closing her eyes and sinking further into the cushions, all further protests dying on her lips. Not for the first time, the Commander wondered just how deep he was already in with this woman. It was several long moments before he could force himself to stand and move away from her. He refreshed the candles and settled in for a long night of guarding her sleep, his eyes never staying away too long.

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 **Author's Note:** I intentionally tried to keep things very general so that it would be easier to put your own Inquisitor in the story; hence, default name is used, no descriptions, no mention of who actually got left behind. I was trying to be vague on purpose! I hope you enjoyed my first Dragon Age fanfic, though not my first fanfic by a long shot. It's been a long time since I've posted anything (more than six years, yikes) and I'm trying to get back in the groove of writing again. That being said, I would very much love to hear from you! Any thoughts or constructive criticism you have would be very welcome as I stretch these old muscles. Thanks for reading!


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